What Yogurtland taught me about the universe:

Euphoria swept over my entire being as I entered the double doors to heaven. Everything gleamed white and silver, beckoning me. A chill ran over my entire body and my mouth began to water.  Many thought it extremely doubtful that I would find myself here; after denouncing Christianity over Easter Brunch the year The Passion of the Christ was on the silver screen.  But I had made it through the pearly gates and entered Yogurtland.

Those first few moments were very clear as I approached the frozen yogurt taps of magical flavors like Red Velvet Cake and Vanilla Wafer. The topping station was incredibly vast as I carefully scooped amounts of cookie dough, cheesecake, nuts, white chocolate chips, and chocolate sprinkles onto my delicious frozen dream.  My first several bites were luxurious, but then it happened. . . I opened my eyes from the delightful squint I had acquired upon entering Yogurtland to my normal stare and there they were: The Potato People.

Figures in black and white, mistaken in my squinty state for angels, were actually just the Potato People. Suddenly they were pouring in and I was pushed out of the way, dropping my bright pink biodegradable spoon on the tiles which made no sound. I could hear heavy breathing and mumblings of excitement. Some were sweating, some were shaking; I was in complete disgust. Slowly I gathered myself to get a new spoon and found a table outside to try to enjoy my oversized frozen yogurt excesses. They kept coming, all pretty much the same size with slits for eyes.

Yogurtland is delicious, but represents our gluttonous society. I was drawn in with others by deliciousness which was paid for BY THE POUND. Frozen yogurt is a better choice than real ice cream; but that’s before scooping heaps of candy on top. We are so easily fooled and convinced to over-frequent an establishment at the promise of the same thrill as cheesecake without the fat. Except you can get five pounds of sugar-free, fat-free frozen yogurt and still put cheesecake on top. Yum!

Hoards of Potato People can attest to the excellence of Yogurtland. In fact, you can use their sheer presence in restaurant to attest to the quality of a burger joint, donut store, buffet, and the list goes on. Buyer beware! If you realize you are starting to see them more and more, and happen catch a sweating, huffing, squinty reflection of yourself in the plastic cough guard at Country Buffet, you may want to rethink your lifestyle.

The first few uninterrupted bites of my Yogurtland fantasy will never be repeated. I will likely try to revisit Yogurt land as soon as we get that excessively sunny December day, knowing that I may always be hunting for that first taste feeling. I can only hope and dream with my eyes squinted, which brings to mind the chorus song I will leave you with, by Gabrielle from a special year I like to call 1993:

Dreams can come true
Look at me babe I'm with you
You know you gotta have hope
You know you gotta be strong

Single tear.